A Year and a Half Later

Wow, I was so optimistic when I reached my weight loss goal in October of 2008! So what's happened since then? Well, I've regained 30 pounds! How could I let that happen? All I can think of is day-to-day life and letting little excuses creep in and slowly derail me. It was so subtle and slow that I didn't really think much of each little half-pound that crept back on the scale, until it became 10 pounds, then 20 pounds, and now 30 pounds! I'm pretty disappointed that I let that happen. I know exactly how it happened though and didn't really do anything to stop it, not seriously anyway.

At first I had started indulging a little here and a little there with eating my kid's waffle fries, or getting a cookie for them and me at the mall, then it became a Dairy Queen Blizzard treat (until it closed down at the mall - thank God!), oh and every Friday I get my kids milkshake after school and one for myself, or one of those yummy coffee drinks! Our family doesn't eat out a lot, but it's those fast food indulgences that have really done me in and I use my kids as an excuse to do it!

I also use my kids as an excuse to cut back on my workouts. My son said he didn't like going to the Y and waiting for me while I worked out during his summer break from school last year (even though there's a play area for kids). So I cut my workouts down to 2 days a week telling myself that I would pick back up when he went back to school in fall. The problem is, I didn't. I kept the 2 days a week, going to my step class, through the fall and into the winter. Then, in February this year, my daughter got sick and I couldn't take her into the Y for a couple weeks. That's when I stopped going altogether. Sure, I could have worked out at home, but I made excuses for that as well. Such as, I have too much to do around the house and I don't have time to workout for an hour. Well, 2 months later, I did venture back into the Y because I signed my daughter up for some refresher swim lessons. So for 2 weeks, I went everyday and worked out at least 3 of those days. But once those lessons were over, so were my regained workouts. I did workout at home a few times, but then slipped back into excuse mode of being too busy and having other important things to take care of first. Each week I would tell myself I'd get back to the workouts, but alas, here I sit today at home and not working up a sweat at the Y like I told myself I'd be doing.

This morning, I saw a piece on the Today Show about Al Roker's weight loss. He lost 115 with the help of gastric bypass, but he still had to change his lifestyle or he'd end back up in the same place. In fact, he had gained 40 pounds back when he realized that and began making those lifestyle changes. He said, "Gastric bypass will help you lose the weight, but that's all. It's up to the individual to keep that weight off by doing the same things that a person who loses weight traditionally has to do." He's absolutely right. For me, it's like once I hit my weight loss goal, I stopped doing the healthy things I was supposed to do to keep it off and slowly regressed back into my not-as-healthy ways that made me gain the weight (except for being pregnant of course). Here's what I stopped doing:

Measuring my portions
Writing down what I ate
Calculating points/calories
Planning ahead and snacking smart
Regular exercise
Going to my Weight Watcher meetings to stay motivated and get the support and encouragement I need

I just feel like it's all too much effort and I don't have the energy to keep up with it all and my kid's lives, and running every aspect of our home (cooking, cleaning, shopping, finances, homework help, family time, serving in church, hobbies, etc.). I feel like I already have too much to keep track off and don't have the time to track my food/points/calories or workout. The problem with that is it creates a new issues I have to deal with:

Stress about weight gain
Lower energy level
My clothes getting tighter and tighter and then not fitting anymore and having to buy new clothes in bigger sizes because I got rid of all my "fat" clothes
Feeling like a failure every time I see myself in the mirror which zaps my good mood

Something else that Al said that I already know is that dealing with weight issues is like being a recovering alcoholic, but harder because you can live without alcohol, but you can't live without food. So you have to find a way to live with it in a healthy way.

I also agree with what he said about one's mentality in weight loss. You have to be ready to do it yourself. It doesn't matter what anyone says to you to try and motivate you, you have to ultimately be the one who is motivated to do it. If you're not ready to do the work involved, you're not going to succeed at it. That's where I am now. I'm working on getting myself motivated again to go at it, again.

But I have learned something important from all this, and being a "goal-oriented" person, this has been a hard one for me to deal with: Reaching your weight-loss goal, while it may be an end-point, is not a finish line. It's the starting line of new and longer marathon that will last the rest of your life. If you sit down and rest too long, it's hard to get up again and you can lose your momentum, making it harder to get back on track. It can be done though. I'm going to get off this bench and starting running this race again. I can feel my motivation building.